FaithRalston.com

Dear Faith

I'm stressed out! My manager is never here. I receive little or no direction about what I'm supposed to do. It feels like I'm spinning my wheels. I've been with this company fifteen years and I've always been a good contributor. This is the first time I don't know if I'm doing a good job! When I ask, for direction, my boss just says; " You're doing fine. Keep it up." Last week he told me; "Your guess is as good as mine!" How do I get more direction? I don't want to wait until my performance appraisal and find out I'm off track.

Dear Frustrated,

I applaud you for not giving up! It's obvious you want to do a good job. Some managers simply aren't good at giving feedback. Here are some tips that can help you access your manager's ideas and opinions. 

Ask your boss for half-hour of uninterrupted time - no phones or disruptions. Simply say; "I need your help. I'd like more clarity about my job. Can we talk?" 

Before the meeting takes place, write down your specific questions. Consider giving your manager the questions before you meet. Make sure your questions aren't too BIG! The question; "How am I doing?" is hard to answer. 

To get better answers, focus your questions. Ask your boss, How did I handle the meeting last week? Was my presentation clear and easy to understand?? What else can I do to improve this presentation? Asking specific questions helps your boss help you. 

Dear Dr. Faith

Three months ago I hired my best friend. I thought it was going to be great working together -but it's turned into a nightmare. She doesn't follow through on details, her projects are late and I end up picking up the pieces. I value our friendship but working with her is stressful. I've made a horrible mistake. How can I get out of this situation gracefully?

Dear Jolette,

You're learning a tough lesson. Our friends are the people we care about. But great friendships don't always translate into great working relationships. Take a minute and reflect on your decision to hire your friend: Ask yourself; " What was behind my decision to hire my best friend?" Was I motivated by expediency, guilt, obligation - or the desire for a colleague? Be brutally honest with yourself so you can avoid making this mistake again. 

Ask yourself; What qualities does this job require? Face the music and tell your friend you value your friendship- but that she's not right for the job. 

Dear Dr. Faith,

I'm a specialist in information technology. Last week we launched a new system. Everything that could go wrong went wrong. Now everyone is blaming me. I'm becoming the scapegoat for all the problems. What do I do?

Dear Willa,

The ‘blame game' is alive and well in your department. When disaster strikes, we want to find someone to blame. The best thing you can do is take 100% responsibility for your part in the fiasco. One president I know said; "If there's a problem in our company, I take the blame. 

Accepting responsibility keeps you from becoming the scapegoat. If you become defensive, others make sure you see your part. Say "I accept 100% responsibility for what just happened. I want to learn from this mistake so it doesn't happen again." Once you've made amends, simply ask; "Now, how do we move forward from here?" 

Dear Dr. Faith

I've had six managers in the past two years. Do you have any ideas about how to adapt to a new boss quickly?

Dear Jessica,

Here are solid ideas for training in a new boss . . . 

1. Clarify expectations. Find out what your boss wants from you. Ask specific questions. Say: "Let me make sure I understand what you want in this situation?" or "Is this what you had in mind or can you state it for me again?" "How do you want to be involved in ongoing decisions when changes occur?" 

2. Recognize your boss's talents. Every boss wants to be recognized for the contribution they make. Notice where your boss shines and say something about it. The goal here isn't to ‘brown nose' your boss, but rather to appreciate everyone's contribution. 

3. Adapt to your boss's style. Discover how your boss likes to gather information and make decisions. Honor his or her way of doing things. If your boss likes to make decisions on the spot, be ready to move. And if your boss likes to think things over, factor in time for this to happen. 

4. Know the priorities.. Ask your boss: "What are the three most important things you want to accomplish in the next six months?" or "What's at the top of your list right now?" Relate what you're doing to advance these priorities whenever possible.

Topics

• Leadership